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 Roach & Seals Reels: "Shark Attacks" KILLS insomnia |
by Donnie Seals Jr.
Assistant Photo Editor
and Chris Roach
Correspondent |
I never thought I would see a film that makes Starship Troopers look like one of the great 20th century works of art, but Casper Van Dien's latest movie comes close to doing just that. “Shark Attack” is a straight-to-video movie that makes me take back my statement about “Jaws the Revenge” being the worst shark film ever made.
 In it our hero, Steven McKray (played by Van Dien) goes to Africa to find out why there has been a string of shark attacks. Little does he realize the web of deceit and lies he is about to become tangled in. And, the danger, oh, how could I forget the danger? When he arrives in this small African fishing town, he hooks up with the sister of his best friend. His best friend couldn't make the reunion, because sharks ate him in the opening sequence. McKray also befriends the head honcho of the town, who is played by my favorite Ghostbuster, Ernie Hudson.
As it turns out, the sharks are viscous because they have been injected with a test drug that may kill cancer. A scientist (who happens to be an old school chum of McKray) is the one testing his cancer-fighting formula on the sharks. Since the sharks are eating so many people, many businesses in this small fishing community have to close. In what I found to be the most touching moment of the film, local hot shot Ernie Hudson gives a fisherman one extra month to turn things around before he closes his shop. Hudson's character seems like a real great guy. Or is he? To my shock, this movie has a complete, twist-filled ending. As it turns out, Ernie Hudson is behind the sharks coming so close to shore. He uses some device to lure the sharks there--to eat the people. He does this to put everyone out of business so he can sell the town and make millions, possibly billions off the oil he just discovered. However, the fearless Steven McKray comes to save the day, by having Hudson eaten by sharks. How's that for irony!
If you are wondering why I just gave away the end of this film, the answer is simple. I am trying to save all my loyal readers the hour and a half of their lives they would never get back by watching this film. Believe me, you would have a better chance of getting out of shark filled waters with all your limbs, than you would finding enjoyment in this movie. I say, put this DVD where it belongs, in Davie Jones' locker!
AUDIO
It's time to get excited about (drums please), Dolby Stereo! Huh? That's right--Trimark Home Video presented the “Shark Attack” DVD in Dolby stereo. That means your left and right channels will be chock full of blood in the water. When most people think DVD, they think of surrounding audio that covers the viewer. I will say that there were some great moments of boats and explosions jumping from my right speaker to the left, but that got me excited back in the fourth grade. If the audio mix on this film had been of at least surround sound quality, this DVD could have made up for the lack of script.
VIDEO
This DVD release is only presented full frame for your viewing enjoyment. The colors in “Shark Attack” are quite colorful and bright. The deep blacks look sharp while all the other scenes accomplish the digital edge to make this film viewable.
EXTRAS
Since the studio probably knew no one would buy this movie, the only extra included is a "theatrical preview." However, my senses tell me that this preview was never actually shown in theaters, because this movie just screams: STRAIGHT TO VIDEO!
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