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I hate that'thing'
By Scott Venci Correspondent It goes on everywhere now. Each time a fan tunes into a sporting event, especially to a baseball game, it happens. There isn’t a name for the problem yet, so for now it’s just called the “thing.” There is nothing anyone can really do to prevent it, which is the scariest thing about this widespread trend that is getting more popular by the day. The people who do it live normal lives. They go to work every morning, making sure to kiss the wife and kids goodbye as they head out the door. When they’re at work, nobody finds anything unusual about these people. They appear to be just like everyone else, but it’s all part of their plan. After they do the “thing,” most people say they are shocked, that they would have never expected that their co-worker could possibly do something so drastic. The worst part about it is that they get their friends involved too. They need someone to help them with the “thing” and so they go and convince their good friends to be an accomplice, sometimes against their will. It must be the thrill of the action that gets these people to want to do such a thing. Living on the edge is part of this addiction, which is much like that of a gambling or drinking problem. It consumes these people all day, but they are able to make everything seem so normal. But it’s certainly not. Once they get to the game, they set their sights on the awful goal. They check to see where everything is positioned, because if they aren’t prepared the plan may never get off the ground. They laugh at the old school fans who take their shirts off at football games in freezing temperatures. They just shrug when they see a drunken fan run onto the field and make a complete fool of themselves, wondering what the thrill is of getting arrested and spending a night in jail. Creativeness isn’t really part of the “thing.” What they do is pretty basic and extremely annoying. It’s like going to a Cub’s game and sitting in front of Ronnie “Woo-Woo” Wickers, enduring the constant wooing that takes place for the next three hours as the sun beats down on your chest. Except this is even worse, and it’s not going to get better anytime soon. In fact, if this continues on the track that it is now, it’s all but guaranteed that advertisers are going to start hiring these people, which will only help spread the horrific epidemic. The Hollywood types will admit that they are helping feed the habit of these addicted people, but they will point out how much cheaper it is than running an ad during the Super Bowl. The “thing” is more annoying than the traffic after a game or the long lines that women always have to endure when trying to go to the bathroom at a public outing. There are no solutions as of yet. Sure, some people have offered suggestions. They will tell you that it’s your choice to watch the game, that it’s in your power to flip over to Cosby Show reruns on the other station. But you refuse, because you will be damned to let these people ruin your enjoyment of watching the big game that you couldn’t get tickets to. If you haven’t guessed yet just what the problem is, then its time you are clued in. You sit down to watch a baseball game, and you’re enjoying watching the close contest for the first seven innings. And then it happens. The damn guy in the first or second row starts waving to the camera as he talks on his cellular phone. He’s smiling and laughing while his friend is sitting at home with the VCR, recording every single moment. The guy’s friend tells him to wave each and every time the camera shows him in the background. The television crew tries to do something about it, but many times there are not enough angles to go to and they must flash back to the guy waving his arms. For the fans at home, watching this is worse then having to listen to your girlfriend talk about Oprah’s book of the month. While there is no help for the people inflicted, it’s a time to reflect back on the way sports used to be before fans started getting out of control. When you see some guy doing the “thing,” turn the channel and remember the times when the fans in the front row just sat in their seats, feeling it unnecessary to wave at America. Back to top | Home Webmaster: Sal J. Barry The Columbia Chronicle is a student produced publication of Columbia College Chicago and does not necessarily represent, in whole or in part, the views of Columbia College administrators, faculty or students. |
January 16, 2001
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