Not even Samuel L. can save this movie By Cassie Weicher Staff Writer         “The Caveman’s Valentine,” is a valentine that you would be better not receiving. It lacks any kind of true-to-life story or any sense of thrill and excitement and will leave you thinking about what kind of drink you want from the concession stand.      The story takes place in Manhattan where Romulus, a Julliard-trained musician and once devoted family man, now lives in a cave in some sort of a Netherworld. He believes that he is being haunted by a powerful adversary, a bureaucrat of ultimate evil, and believes that he charts his every move from atop the Chrysler building. One day, he discovers a body outside of his cave and believes that it is a valentine from the powerful adversary. He goes on a mission to discover what really killed the man outside of his cave and runs into all kinds of trouble along the way.      The movie, made to be a thriller with action—packed scenes was nothing of the sort. The thrills did not leave me on the edge of my seat but left me bored and nearly asleep. The film would build up the suspense and then nothing would happen. I guess that I should have known by the title of the movie that it would be a disappointment, but I was willing to give it a try. As soon as the movie started, it fell flat. It was highly unlikely that a homeless man, or any ordinary man for that matter, would go after a killer, even if he thought that killer was an evil adversary. I thought that it would have made him even more afraid of the evil, not to make him go out and find it. But he did anyways. What person would hunt down a killer unless he had to?      They also threw in the fact that he used to belong to a normal family, but after the voices in his head started, he left his family. He now has the illusion that his ex-wife follows him around and talks to him everywhere he goes. He does talk back, but won’t talk to her in person even though she is still alive. She even appears in Romulus’ sex scene.      His daughter is also in the picture. She is now a police officer and, of course, is involved in the murder case, which she believes to be just a case of death from exposure. No one believes him when he says that the dead man was murdered, not frozen to death.      The movie never tells how Romulus became mentally ill or how he came to leave his daughter and wife behind. He is shown in a scene where he is young and playing the piano, but that is the extent of that shot. No explanation of why he is this way, just that he is.      The other characters were not much help in making the movie a hit. The characters that Romulus encounters had a very unlikely part to play in the movie and some did not even have a purpose in the story line. A sex scene-just like it was thrown in for kicks, a rich man inviting Romulus up to his apartment and giving him food and clothes, the gay lovers, and nudity (yes, Samuel L. Jackson does get naked) made the feel of the movie even worse than when it started. This seemed to be a movie where they just threw in various scenes for kicks or because that is what all of the other movies do.      Samuel L. Jackson, however bad the movie was, always plays his role to the utmost of perfection and if you are a Jackson fan, I suggest that you go and see it for the sole purpose of seeing his performance...and no other reason. Back to top   |   Home Copyright © 2001, Columbia Chronicle Columbia Chronicle articles, photos, and graphics are the property of the Columbia Chronicle and may not be reproduced or published without written permission from the staff, editors, or faculty advisor. The Columbia Chronicle is a student produced publication of Columbia College Chicago and does not necessarily represent, in whole or in part, the views of Columbia College administrators, faculty or students.

February 26, 2001 This week in A & E: Nothing is prohibited The newest erotic adventure from Lords of Acid Roach & Seals Reels: 'Mo Better Blues' Letters to the (Assistant) A & E Editor Not even Samuel L. can save this movie Dissed by the boy Steely Dan the surprise winner Trying to learn without falling asleep Room for improvement Slammin' Grammy Search our archive: The Columbia Chronicle is an award-winning college newspaper written and distributed weekly by the students at Views expressed here are not necessarily those of the Journalism Department or the college. Visit the Columbia College Chicago Web Site